Advice

Things you probably shouldn’t say/do on the First Date

First Dates.

They can go either way but at least 85% of the time they are quite awkward occasions where no one really knows what to say to the other and you are left in complete silence for at least 5 minutes wondered when Game of Thrones Season 5 starts and why no one has yet to invent a candle that smells like blown out candles (you are with me on this one right!?)

At least we all know that the likely hood of your first date being completely ‘awkward’ free is quite unlikely, so we can stop worrying so much about how to go about making the two hours you have to sit across the table to a complete stranger go more smoothly and embrace the fact we are all kind of social inept and that’s completely OK.

As long as you don’t do any of the 5 things on the following list during your first date, it’s probably going to go quite well for you (I guessed it would be better to know what NOT TO DO then WHAT TO DO, kind of like when you were a kid and your mum would have to tell you NOT to crawl on the floor pretending to be a dog…)

*DISCLAIMER*

I’m taking a random guess with these following suggestions as I’m not experienced in the art of dating. I am however, experienced in the art of staying inside blanket forts and hibernating from a social life.


1.

You probably shouldn’t talk about subjects the other person is not remotely interested in. Now is not the time to mention your avid passion for coin collecting (that’s at least 4th date material when his pretty much committed to the relationship and can’t do a runner). Also, not many people will be remotely interested in hearing about something/someone they know nothing about (I’m sure if they knew Bob who is Candice’s Uncle who is Marie’s sister’s brother in law’s nephew and his dog, they might be want to chat to you about it). Find out about their interests and make conversation about those that are similar to your own.

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2.

Don’t talk about yourself for a hour and a half without leaving a gap for the other person to intersect. You are going to sound like a CLASS A Arsehole and come across as un interested in your company. Unless that’s the look you are going for, then please talk as much as you like about yourself. Or you could just release an autobiography so you can spare the two hours and we can read about every detail of your life instead.

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3.

Don’t mention your ex partner at any time during the date. I’m talking ‘My ex loved prawn cocktail’ followed by uncontrollable, border line hysterical crying in your starter. The prawn sauce is salty enough without your tears all over it!! Build a little bridge (you could manufacture one out of any tooth picks you find lying around on your table) and get over it. No one want’s to hear about your previous partner at any point during the relationship never mind the first date.

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4.

Don’t start talking about potential names for your unborn child or bring out a picture of your dream wedding dress. HOLD YOUR HORSES JOSEPHINE! Once again, this is not material for the first date. I’m talking at least 2 years down the line. Such conversation is enough to scare even the most desperate of folk away.

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5.

Don’t get so drunk on the ol’ Vino you start telling your whole life story or details that the other person really doesn’t want to know, like that time you stuffed a sock down your pants so you could know what it was like to have a penis. You need to leave an air of mystery about yourself. Leave them guessing and wanting to know more.

I’m not talking this kind of mystery either.

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Basically B is for Bitch and Bastard, don’t be either one of these and you’ll be fine.

Georgia XO

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